Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
