she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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