How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My dick has a subreddit
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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