i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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