what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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