My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
