Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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