i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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