the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
