Porn is love you can see.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
