I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Send help, water and tortillas.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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