I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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