but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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