Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I need moral support for this bender
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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