i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just want nice things and good sex
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
