officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
