Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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