if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
