dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize