I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
