And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i will never coherently bang her
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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