I love black thongs
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
