I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
