my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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