Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
