I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm at about main and main street
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
