I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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