My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
