i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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