I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
