but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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