my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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