Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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