You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
