I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
