So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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