Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
