there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
