You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
