Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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