I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
