I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
