Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
