Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
