i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
