Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Randomize
