I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
