Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
