all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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