I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
