Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
