nut hugger
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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