allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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