Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
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I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
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So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?