Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check