How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar