1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
