my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
