I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
