I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
the raccoons are back...
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