He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
