So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
