I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
