he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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