scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
honey bunches of taint.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
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The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
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then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize