Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
