my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
