The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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