haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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