Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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