bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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