That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
