I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
