Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize