I will die if light touches me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
