I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
