So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
