perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
