idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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