i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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