SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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