you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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