I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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