I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I could make wine with my vomit
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
