I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
