He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This is my life. Enjoy the view
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
