I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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