FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
