what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
