I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
