I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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